{"id":816,"date":"2010-04-22T20:15:27","date_gmt":"2010-04-23T01:15:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.holypotato.net\/?p=816"},"modified":"2010-04-22T20:15:27","modified_gmt":"2010-04-23T01:15:27","slug":"to-the-user-of-the-4th-floor-mens-room","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.holypotato.net\/?p=816","title":{"rendered":"To the “User” of the 4th Floor Men’s Room"},"content":{"rendered":"

I have just three things to say:<\/p>\n

1. This place clears out by 4:30 pm most evenings, and the caretaker doesn’t clean the men’s room until after 5. There are only so many people who stay here late on a regular basis, so it’s not going to take us very long to figure out who the disgusting pig is that’s making such an unholy mess of the washroom every single night. We’ll find you, and when we do, well, let’s just say things aren’t going to be pretty. Yes, even less pretty than your bathroom habits that have gone so far<\/em> beyond “sloppy” that the only explanation is that you are actively vandalizing<\/strong> the washroom.<\/p>\n

2. If you’re having that <\/em>much trouble with your aim, just sit down. The seat was clean before you got there (really nice & freshly disinfected since you seem to wait until after the caretaker has gone through to strike).<\/p>\n

3. You’ve got really cloudy urine. As almost-a-kind-of-doctor, I can tell you that means you certainly have kidney cancer and will die a horrible agonizing death soon. I probably shouldn’t mock a guy with no friends who’s on death’s doorstep with kidney cancer and can barely stand up from the pain, let alone aim, but dude… karma’s a bitch.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have just three things to say: 1. This place clears out by 4:30 pm most evenings, and the caretaker doesn’t clean the men’s room until after 5. There are only so many people who stay here late on a regular basis, so it’s not going to take us very long to figure out who […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.holypotato.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/816"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.holypotato.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.holypotato.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.holypotato.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.holypotato.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=816"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.holypotato.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/816\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.holypotato.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=816"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.holypotato.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=816"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.holypotato.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=816"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}