Blessed by the Potato

So I saw my urologist yesterday, and while all the signs point towards me having a kidney stone, they couldn’t actually find one on the CT scan. So that means it’s possible that another rare disorder is causing the same symptoms, and he wants to rule those out with some further tests. Sounds like a good idea, and I was all for it.

The first test is to make a visual inspection of my bladder’s lining. This involves sending a camera up my urethra and poking about. Sounds awful, but I figured it’s better to be safe than sorry, you know? So I went and looked up what it involves:

“The cystoscope is as thin as a pencil”

Ye-gads! A pencil is not thin when we’re talking about my urethra and ureters! We were looking for a kidney stone the size of the ball bearing in a pen that was causing me the worst pain of my life, I do not think an instrument the size of a pencil is going to help my condition any!!

“Ah, so that’s where that pack of rusty razor blades went.”

“You may have a mild burning feeling… to relieve the feeling, you may be able to hold a warm, damp washcloth over the urethral opening.”

I don’t like the sounds of “may be able to” when talking about holding a damp washcloth. It’ll be too painful to hold a washcloth?