Accidental Weather Witchcraft

January 12th, 2011 by Potato

You may recall reading (and if you don’t live in London, laughing) about our woes with record snowfalls here in London this year. The snow squalls were bizarre in their specificity, these narrow finger-like bands of cloud streaming off Lake Huron, arrows shooting straight for London. Towns just 30 minutes away to either side still had green lawns in some cases. I just realized now that I may have caused this series of supernatural storms via the application of accidental weather witchcraft.

You see, just before this all started, I was starting to decorate the office for winter (read: procrastinating on my thesis) by cutting out paper snowflakes from scrap paper (and I have a lot of scrap paper on my desk). I then hung them around the office at important power nodes, including a large tissue-paper snowflake guarding my filing cabinet. Perhaps summoning the most power weather magick was a string of snowflakes, of all different sizes, with at least one cut out by other members of the office, that was then itself hung from snowflake garland. This multiplicative effect of snowflake on snowflake, combined with suspension from the ceiling in the psychic centre of the room may ultimately have been too much for the physical realm to bear, and snow squall after snow squall was summoned up and directed directly at London until finally well over a meter of snow blanketed the supernatural signal and it’s dread message could no longer be received in the humid airs above Lake Huron.

To all the residents of London, I’m deeply sorry for this irresponsible — though accidental — use of the dark arts, and I promise it will never happen again.

This oversized snowflake drew power from the filing cabinet and its Dark Contents. The filing cabinet already served as an altar, receiving daily offerings of Coke Zero tainted aluminum.

The combination of snowflakes crafted by different hands and a shiny, sparkly snowflake garland lead to an unstoppable multiplying chain-reaction of weather magicks.

3 Responses to “Accidental Weather Witchcraft”

  1. jonathan Says:

    Dude re-write your thesis on this phenomenon NOW

  2. wayfare Says:

    I think you should mention just how long it took a room full of PhDs (and near-PHDs) to figure out how to cut a 6-pointed snowflake out of a square piece of paper. ;D

  3. Potato Says:

    As you can see in the photo, about 5 attempts :)