September, the Season of Spiders

September 3rd, 2010 by Potato

It’s September. I don’t know how this happened. I had so much to finish before the end of August. In fact, according to my timeline, I had to finish pretty much everything by the end of August:

My original PhD timeline, conveniently set to conclude everything except the actual defense prior to SC2's release.

Yet here we are, in September, and I’m stuck somewhere back in May according to my timetable and the progress I’ve made so far.


It is also the Season of Spiders. They’re ridiculous this year, especially around the hospital. Some of the biggest spiders I’d ever seen outside the zoo or a horror movie. Yesterday a coworker killed one so big that I felt like I should have earned experience points just for being in the party during the kill; I was a little surprised we didn’t check its corpse for copper pieces or armour upgrades. Today another spider camped out on the wall across from the office, and I killed it with panache (via roundhouse kick to the face, BTW). Then I was there late, on my own. The sun was down, and when I opened the door to the office for a washroom break, I found four spiders lurking there, waiting to ambush me as I came out. And I’m not exaggerating the ambush thing due to the terror they induce: one of them was hanging down in mid-air, right in front of the door, just waiting for me to walk into it so it could paralyse me with its evil spider venom and suck my delicious juices.

I slammed the door and decided I didn’t need to pee just that badly yet.

I came up with a heroic plan: I would call the fire department, who have axes and protective clothing and stuff, and they would come to free me from the spider’s trap. Then I realized that I did, in fact, need to pee rather more urgently than waiting for the fire department would allow, plus I began to think of how that could go badly against me if the firefighters didn’t take the threat seriously, and the spiders caught them and laid eggs inside them, and then I’d face an army of spiders instead of just four (although that is still 3 to 4 more than any man should have to face alone). So, my new plan of attack was to use a piece of paper to smoosh the one hanging by the web in mid-air in front of me, as it presented the greatest danger: while a spider can jump off a wall or the ceiling, they are much harder to see and track in free space, especially with our ridiculous spider-hiding carpet (would a matte white flooring option be so difficult/boring/hard to clean?). Then, get the two on the wall, and run wailing and crying from the one on the ceiling. My only defense against it was speed and blind hope that I’d make it to the safety of the washroom before it could drop on my head.

As it turned out, the one on the ceiling caught a ladybug in its web: the ladybug was thrashing and flailing in the web, which served as an effective distraction, as I’m sure you have all figured out due to the fact that I’m still alive to report these horrific events to you, but also a terrifying warning: “this could be you, delicious human.”

2 Responses to “September, the Season of Spiders”

  1. Rachelle Says:

    Ha you think you have problems… I have this kind of bug in my house, it’s about 4 inches long has 1 inch legs lots of them, it can run at least 40 miles per hour.

    Here’s a picture of what it looks like

    Still you might want to have a few at your house… they eat spiders according to Wikipedia

  2. Potato Says:

    Ah, centipedes. I hate them, too. (and apparently draw them like “fuzzy peanuts”)